Words of Advice for Creating a Parenting Plan.

I should stop being surprised when I hear a parent say "our parenting plan does not work!" This comment comes equally from moms and dads. Once one of the parents becomes “concerned”, “dissatisfied”, or fill in the blank about exactly what is wrong with their parenting plan, immediate attention can avoid years of conflict. A very common concern about parenting plans is a “lack of detail” – who does what, when? I see the “lack of detail” parenting plans most often when people settle their parenting issues. That seems surprising because when parents settle, they have a unique opportunity to create a parenting plan that fits their particular family needs. Their agreements have avoided being told how to parent their children by the judge, or having a “one size fits all” parenting plan utilized for their family. How does this happen? I see it mostly when people are “so agreeable” in their settlement negotiations that they just cannot envision a set of circumstances where parents may disagree “at least as it relates to the children.” The “that will never happen” rapidly turns into, “how did this happen?” A way to avoid future problems is to take the time to really think about your parenting plan immediately when parents are considering ending their romantic relationship – it is never too soon! Think of your parenting plan as the “lowest level of acceptable behavior” between parents who are acting in their children’s best interest. Figure out what is important to you and then make sure that you include those items in your parenting plan. Knowing what each parent’s minimum responsibilities are creates the best framework to raising happy, healthy and well adjusted children who just happen to live in two homes.